When friends won’t believe they’re cute and perfect
when friends insist that you’re cute and perfect
shhhhhhhh you’re cute and perfect deal with it
I like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu but refusing to eat it. It’s okay, though, because it’s a metaphor. The metaphor is I’m incredibly wasteful and extremely wealthy.
OMFG HE’S DYING OF CANCER LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS WITH HIS DAMN CIGARETTES
what are you talking about. im trying to brag about how ridiculously rich i am
Anonymous asked: hi tell me a lie you told today. then tell me something you wished you said today but didn't.
I wish I told my mom to buy me Taco Bell today
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
sodium fan club meeting 2014
damn, i just got SERVED. by my waitress. this restaurant is excellent.